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I turned the ignition and threw the truck into drive and punched the accelerator. The rear wheels kicked up dust and gravel as we left Bill’s ranch for home.“That’s the last time I shoe that fuckin’ glue factory reject-of-a-horse,” he said, as he reached into his back pocket and pulled out a Skoal can.“Care for a dip, son?“Fuck yeah, dad.”Dad opened his Skoal can and pinched a big chunk off.“Open wide,” he told me.I opened my mouth and he shoved it in under my lip as I kept my hands on the wheel. He helped himself and put the can back in his back jean’s pocket. We both rolled the windows down. It was a warm day in Texas and we were gonna be spittin’ up a storm in a minute or two.Dad reached over my chest and pulled out my pack of Marlboro Reds from my front shirt pocket and shook one out. He grabbed it with his teeth and then shook one out for me and stuck it in my mouth. He fired up the Zippo, lit us both up, and we inhaled deeply on the strong smoke.“Fuck, son, these Marlboros are. Barbie’s full name is Barbara Millicent Roberts.Betsy Ross is the only real person to ever have been the head on a Pez dispenser.Michael Jordan makes more money from Nike annually than all of the Nike factory workers in Malaysia combined.Adolph Hitler’s mother seriously considered having an abortion but was talked out of it by her doctor.All US Presidents have worn glasses. Some just didn’t like being seen wearing them in public.Walt Disney was afraid of mice.The sound of E.T. walking was made by someone squishing her hands in jelly.Pearls melt in vinegar.Thirty-five percent of the people who use personal ads for dating are already married.The three most valuable brand names on earth: Marlboro, Coca Cola, and Budweiser, in that order.A duck’s quack doesn’t echo and no one knows why.Richard Milhouse Nixon was the first US president whose name contains all the letters from the word “criminal.” The second? William Jefferson Clinton!Running out of decent pickup lines to impress chicks.
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